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Meinen ADHS 23 Jahrige Sohn hat wieder nicht geschlafen

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Meinen ADHS 23 Jahrige Sohn hat wieder nicht geschlafen diese Nacht und ist gerade wütend und stark alkoholisiert, ohne Geld und unterwegs. Er will mich besuchen kommen um zu reden über sein Wut aber nur wenn ich ihm einen Bier besorge. Wie soll ich mich verhalten?
Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Ist der Kinderartz von der Rehaklinik immer noch online?
Wieso meldet er sich jetzt nicht?
Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
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Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Ich habe diesen Website gewählt weil keinen Hotline Beratung erreichbar ist. Jetzt gerade den ganzen 6 Mails bekommen von just answer und keinen Beratung???? Wen ichdringend Rat suche? Was soll das? Sende mich bitte sofort einen Telefon Nummer so das ich mit jemanden sprechen kann
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Guten Abend !

Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob wir miteinander Kontakt hatten. Ich bin zwar spezialisiert auf ADHS im Erwachsenenalter, aber an diese Schilderung kann ich mich nicht erinnern. Gerne stehe ich Ihnen mit Rat und Tat zur Seite, gerne auch telefonisch.

Bitte haben Sie Verständnis, dass wir die Beratung bei Justanswer neben / nach unser sonstigen klinischen oder ambulanten Tätigkeit machen. Ich verstehe die Dringlichkeit, aber ich bin jetzt auch erst von der Arbeit gekommen.

Wenn ich Sie richtig verstehe, wohnt ihr Sohn bei Ihnen. Wird er derzeit medikamentös oder psychotherapeutisch behandelt ? Wenn er alkoholisiert ist, wird seine (bei ADHS verminderte Impulskontrolle) natürlich weiter herabgesetzt Sie als Eltern könnten dann nur eine Klinikeinweisung erwirken bzw. sich an den Sozialpsychiatrischen Dienst am Gesundheitsamt wenden.

Meistens sehen die Kollegen es aber dann so, dass keine AKUTE Eigen- oder Fremdgefährdung besteht, die eine Behandlung gegen seinen Willen in der Klinik ermöglicht.

Dann wäre es so, dass SIE sich entscheiden müssten, ob Sie ein Hausverbot aussprechen bzw. eine Anzeige gegen ihren eigenen Sohn erwirken. Das bringen die meisten Eltern nicht über das Herz.

Aber ohne die Mitwirkung Ihres Sohns wird man eine Therapie nicht machen können. Es gäbe schon Kliniken, die sich spezieller auf ADHS und Sucht spezialisiert haben. Hatte er schon einmal eine solche Behandlung ?

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Guten Abend und danke für ihren Antwort. Nein, ich habe noch nie einen online Beratungsstelle benutzt. Meinen Sohn will seinen früherer Diagnose nicht annehmen mit der Begründung es wäre einen modisches Median Hype die nicht ernst zunehmen ist. Erst mit 11 fing er an auffällig zu sein. Danach fingen Jahre lange Misserfolg.... von Gymnasium, zum Gymnasium, Realschule, Hauptschule und schließlich hat er den Mittlerreife mit geringste Einsatz auf der Abendschule geschafft (Eigeninitiative). Keinen Ausbildung, gefeuert von jeden Job. Es ist einfach traurig.
Ich kann mich besser aufs Englisch ausdrücken, darf ich? Oder weiter auf Deutsch aber mit Fehler und langsamer.

No problem.

It is really hard to handle this kind of problems if he does not accept the adhd diagnosis. Wendy Richardson wrote two excellent books about ADD and addiction. They are very suitable for adults with adhd if the accept the diagnosis.

I worked on 3 special clinics for adult adhd (in Bad Bodenteich, Bad Bevensen and Bad Kösen). But I have no solution for any adult not accepting the existence of adhd. He needs a treatment for addiction first. There are a lot of options for ADHD treatment (with medications like Strattera or Elontril) and psychological support / coaching.

But if he is not accepting the problem, he will run mad.

The only solution ist to stop any support. This is very cruel for the parents. But the only way I know

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Thank you, ***** ***** are how I (or someone else) could explain it to him so that he can realise that this is the core of his Problems.

I have a blog (www.adhsspektrum.wordpress.com) and a facebook group (ADHS Spektrum Dr. Winkler) for adults. But this is useless if he does not want to get the message. There are a lot of webpages (www.adhs.info) with basic informations. Or lectures about adhd. But you cannot force him to use these options.

I had one patient with excellent parents. He was in my clinic for adhd treatment. But he decided to be homeless and continue drinking. That was complete nonsense. But we had to accept it.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
My husband and I had a messy seperation when my son was 13 and had so many Problems of his own. The Situation is made worst by the fact that Marc, my son, lives with his father ever since he turned 18 because it was unbearable to deal with his episodes of waking me in the night for Money which I refused to give and his outbreaks of Anger. This only in while intoxicated.
Both his grandfathers were alcoholics...

The is a strong genetic link between ADHD and additction. So the problem runs in families.

Divorce or family problems are not the cause of adhd. But they can make problems worse to build a solid structure for every day life or handle frustrations.

Your son tries to force you to pay for his addiction problems or inability to handle money due to executive dysfunctions of adhd. But it is his life. You are not responsible for him any more.

But it is very hard to handle this !!!

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Luckily, My husband and I Keep in touch daily. The worst Problem at the Moment is that Marc has been sentenced to an addiction therapy or else jail. His sntence was to be stationary therapy to be started within 6 months. Now the "Bescheid" gave him the Option of "Ambulant OR Stationary" which isin my opinion, absolutely absurd since he is a danger to himself and others when he is under the influence of alcohol. He doesn't steal, but is easy to Anger...there is so much pent up.
I know it's right that we are not responsible legally anymore, but emotionally I think there is a responsibility to help him get the Chance that could save him.
I get petrified at the fact that he is out and about and not in a clinick that could turn him around...it is not only a mother speaking, but as you well know and have experienced, so many affected are actually wonderful , they lose their way when they see that they are not capable at certain Tasks and rejected from Society and even friends.

Very true. Sometimes jail (or forensic psychiatry) is the only option to start a therapy and change life. But this is hard to get and there are a lot of "holes" to escape a really useful change of life.

Do you know the telefon counselling of ADHS Deutschland ? http://www.adhs-deutschland.de/Home/Unser-Angebot/Telefonberatung.aspx

I know a lot of parent with similar stories. Sometimes it is easier to share experiences.

There is no good professional solution for you problem. Any person with adhd or addiction problems has the right to destroy his life.

But he has no right to destroy YOUR family.

webpsychiater, Facharzt für Psychiatrie und Psychotherapie
Kategorie: Psychiatrie
Zufriedene Kunden: 1617
Erfahrung: Langjährige Erfahrung im Bereich Psychiatrie und Psychosomatik. EMDR-Traumatherapie
webpsychiater und weitere Experten für Psychiatrie sind bereit, Ihnen zu helfen.
Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
My question(s) actually
1) In the case that a stationary therapy is taken, can you suggest a clinic not too far from Cologne that specialises with ADHD as well as addiction?
2) Do you have a Suggestion for him to live alone (his father is also addictive)
3) Any short Explanation of ADHD that would be useful? I have read so much, still I can't explain it without making it Sound like a criticism...
4) What to do when he goes into his fathers home in the middle of the night and is loud stomping around, making loud phone calls in Anger, with absolutely no consideration for the neighbors. My husband had to move already once because of him disturbing.
5) You have told me to be firm and not enable him ...any idea as to calm him down when he is awake the whole night and then intoxicated in the daytime and rings my doorbell? I want to give him a meal and a place to rest and he wants 1.30€ for a beer.
Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Calling the Police would be an Option that would destroy both my husband and I. Calling an ambulance would feel like the right Thing if I didn't hear the Horror stories of how These People are treated and drugged and that they are seldomly even Close to being healed. I assume that is since the Patient doesn't go in on his own.
At the Moment the Situation is volcanic since we know that if he is charged with offending a Police officer (his most often offence) he will land in jail which is why I have been hoping for a stationary therapy far from his "friends" ( he really only has 1 good one, and he sells pot). Also a Chance to be away from his father (who adores him) with whom I, as I said, am in contact with but with whom I do not see eye to eye as far as financing Marc's leben.
Thank you for your Internet sites, for your Patience with a mother that knows a son with a huge heart and just doesn't want to give up on.

The problem is : No inpatient therapy will accept him if he continues to drink There are adhd clinics in Bad Bramstedt, Bad Arolsen or Bad Salzig. But you have to be sober and you have to accept your problems.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
You have been very clear with your answers and I appreciate it very much. If you could help me with a short Explanation of ADHS so that it I can give it another try to reach him, that would be really really helpful. In German...the books and Internet sites always list the syptoms and mention fehlenden verknupfungen , Stoffwechsel Störungen...I have explained that if one has diabites or thyroid or Hormon inbalances it can, and must be treated...no Problem. I would just love to get it so that I can also explain it to him and to Family and friends that think he is lazy and spoiled.
Thanks

That is not easy

ADHD is a genetic disorder of executive functions, attentional control and control of emotions.
We have to modes of brain function : The executive brain is located at the frontal lobe. All effords / concentration and higher brain functions of every day life are located there.

The second mode is a kind of "monkey mind". All addiction , emotions and no-efford tasks are controlled by this mode.

ADHD clients have problems with too much monkey mode and to little frontal lobe control.

This is partly caused by low dopamine in certain areas of the brain. So medication with influence on dopamine reuptake can handle some of the ADHD symptoms.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Ok, but that isn't what I have learned so far. The ADHS brain has plenty , even too much frontal lobe which can explain their enormous potential when they are focused on something that interests them. For instance if we believe the Information that Thomas Edison, as one of the most famous examples had it as well as Albert Einstein, van Gogh, Mozart, Ansel Adams...just to Name a few seriously successful People. What is true?
Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Here also a message someone sent me:
Eines Tages kam Thomas Edison von der Schule nach Hause und gab seiner Mutter einen Brief.
Die Mutter hatte die Augen voller Tränen als sie den Kind laut vorlas " Ihr Sohn ist ein Genie. Diese Schule ist zu klein für ihn und hat keine Lehrer die gut genug sind ihn zu unterrichten. Bitte unterrichten Sie ihn selbst"
Viele Jahre nach dem Tod der Mutter, Edison war inzwischen einer der größten Erfinder des Jahrhunderts, stieß er auf den Brie. In ihm stand geschrieben:
"Ihr Sohn ist geistig behindert. Wir wollen ihn nicht mehr in unserer Schule haben"
Edison weinte stundenlang ....
I see that sometimes the stigmatation of having a "defect" is enough to make you ill. It is trully difficult to find the right way to make it positive once it has been called an illness.
That is why I am still searching for the Magic words to explain why it can be a Blessing in disguise.

It is correct : If you are in a hyperfocussed state of mind your frontal lobe is very active. But not on every day duties.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
He was just here...was awake again the whole night and came to hug and confess that he is ashamed of the life that he is experiencing. The mood changed within 30 minutes and he was angry that he doesn't own a key for my Apartment (one of the hardest decisions I have ever made). Then it changed again and he cried (hardly ever happens) . He cried because he feels homeless, only tolerated at his fathers home since his girlfriend took his key to her Apartment from him. He has stood in front of his fathers home and rang the bell (lost his key for months and they now have a System of leaving it in the Postbox) since the key was not there...my husband slept and didn't hear it...and Marc tried to get shelter in the parkhouse. It is a horrible sad Situation.He feels betrayed and alone, diserted from Family and friends. He is especially disappointed in me...I left him with his father who pays every bill, drives him everywhere, but is very offensive with his accusations and also has been a role model for funtioning alcholism. Petrified and sure that he will lose nearly 3 years of his life to prison. I explained that the reason is ALCOHOL, and that he has a Chance to clear his life with this therapy.
I am partly disillusioned with the judicial System because they really gave him the Option of therapy but with so much time to make a plan that he is out and a danger to himself and others ...A time bomb. He Needs help NOW. What can I do? Should I plan an " Intervention"? If yes, which professional should I involve?

It is his time to take action, not yours. He has the option to go to the next psychiatry to get treatment for alcohol addiction or to get help with his psycho-social problems. If he is lucky he finds a psychiatrist with knowledge of adult adhd. But this is secondary.

You cannot handle the problems of your son. He hast to start.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
I can't sit helplessly and watch him drown

There is not alternative option.

Kunde: hat geantwortet vor 1 Jahr.
Please excuse me for not answering in the past few days...I suppose I was waiting to see how Things work out before I finish our conversation. He has calmed down These past days, but I always know that that is short term. Hoping for his acknowledgement that he Needs and wants help.
I want to thank you for supporting me in this. I was desperate and also sceptical, but I am so very grateful for your answers and also finding someone who not only listens but understands and is competent , especially with addiction related Problems to ADHS.
My questions have been answered. Thanking you with deep sincerity, a very saddened mother

Thank you.

Feel free to write again if you need support or special consultation.